Brother BT hears from God

The person of the First Church packed up lock, stock and Bible and left this year. Said the Lord told him it was time to move on. Brother Bible Thumper preached a few times after that. Folks thought he should preach until they found a regular parson.
Brother BT shook his head. “The Lord hasn’t told me that.”
Singing Sam, the choir director, and Happy Hal, who takes the young-us out for hot dogs, went to talk to Brother BT. Didn’t do any good. He still said God hadn’t told him to preach.
Nursery Nelma and Sunday School Sue cornered him, “Brother Bible Thumper, we believe you are the one to preach.”
Ole BT just smiled, “No sisters, God hasn’t told me that.”
The sisters and brothers decided Brother BT needed some help hearing God’s voice.
Happy Hal borrowed a fog machine from the drama club. Singing Sam had the choir member with the deepest most God-like voice, record a message to Brother BT. The women folk didn’t want to be left out. They said if Happy Hal would find one of them black lights the young folks liked so much, they’d wear white choir robes and be a host of heavenly angels.
The board members scheduled God to speak at the monthly board meeting in the church offices.
It also happened to be the night the old timers had a dinner in the church fellowship hall. Brother Bible Thumper stopped off to say howdy to the old folks on his way to the board meeting. He promised to come back and chat as soon as he could.
As Brother BT neared the board meeting, the lights went out. The fog machine blew a swirling mist around the room. A silent host of women in choir robes with an unearthly glow, flapped their arms like wings. From the ceiling a deep voice boomed, “Brother Bible Thumper, go and preach to my people.” The voice was interrupted as all hell broke loose.
The church’s smoke detectors sniffed the fog and thought it was smoke. Automatically the fire department was alerted as fire alarms blared in unison all over the church. Even the deafest of the old folks heard the alarms, stopped eating and looked around in fearful wonder.
Happy Hal grabbed a startled Brother Bible Thumper by the arm. “Get over to the fellowship hall and tell the folks that there is nothing to worry about.”
He ran to turn off the fog machine. Singing Sam headed for the switch to the alarm box, hollering out, “Nursery Nelma, call the fire department and tell them it’s a false alarm.” By the time she and Sunday School Sue figured out how to call 9 11 when there isn’t an emergency, fire engines were revving up in the background.
Brother BT got the old folks calmed down. The board members aired out the church office, hung up the choir robes and hid the tape. Brother BT never did hear from God. Least wise someone else is preaching. Hard to know for sure. Folks over at First Church aren’t talking much about the time the board tried to help Brother Bible Thumper hear from God.