woes of modern technology

Tuesday morning I was still puzzling over a topic for my weekly column during my drive to work. A ringing phone distracted my speculations as I walked into the office. I transferred the call to my desk.
No, hello, just, “She didn’t deliver, again, today.”

“I’ll transfer you to circulation.” I punched the transfer code and picked my memo pad and pen. I walked over to the computer and modem corner to work. I had a week’s worth of comics, editorial, crossword puzzles and daily columns to download.
The computer rejected my request to connect with Universal for the daily horoscopes: That does not compute. The phone rang again, “I would like to buy an ad.”

“I’ll have to transfer you to classified.” I hung up wondering why the editorial department was receiving switchboard calls and turned back to the computer muttering, “It does so compute. You’ve been doing this for three weeks.” The computer flickered back to the universal “error message.”

The phone rang. Someone wanted to talk with the business office. I transferred the call upstairs and stomped my fingers across that recalcitrant computer’s terminal requesting the Fetch program to update the TV page’s picture file. The access window appeared on the screen, but the little dog was not running to fetch any TV pictures from the file. I couldn’t even get the computer to exit the program.
Again the phone, “Classified, please.”
I transferred the call, whirled back to the computer, turned off everything and rebooted.
I logged into our local Internet server and requested Netscape to get the crossword puzzles and bridge. The computer confidently assured me, “You do not have Netscape access.”
The phone rang again, another complaint for circulation. As I hung up, the editor came over and explained the phone calls. “The phone system won’t move out of the night time answering mode. The telephone repairman is coming.”

For the rest of the day, the editorial department, fielded four times the usual number of calls. Between calls I toiled over the computer that it did not compute my commands to work: When I tried to get information from the First Class Server, the computer informed me it did not serve anything first class. When I asked for it to connect with the United Media Server, ti said it was not united with that server.
Meanwhile the phone rang, for every department in the office, …”my newspaper is late.”

“One moment, while I transfer you.”
“I have a question about my bill.”
“One moment, while I transfer you.”
“I’d like to buy a classified ad.”
“One moment, while I transfer you.”
After the computer refused every request to talk with syndicated servers everywhere in the country, I threw in the towel. I turned off everything connected to the modem and went back to my desk to answer phone calls and write my column. The only thing that modern technology provided that morning was a topic for this column.


Posted

in

by

Tags: