Flying solo financially

We didn’t have to “carry” our daughter all the way to college this time. We met her fiancé half way there and he drove them the rest of the way to college.
Monday, she enrolled for the semester, bought books and called me in shock. “Mom, I don’t have any money left. My books cost way more than I thought. What am I going to do?” I went on emergency alert, adding up our extra cash. My child couldn’t go an entire semester without any money.
As she bemoaned the amount of money she now wishes she had not spent last semester, I did a reality check. “Are you counting the money in your savings account? How much will you get paid for the last bit of tutoring you did last semester? How much will you get paid for tutoring this semester?”
During the Christmas break, I mentioned that her brother had limited himself to one fixed amount of cash he could withdraw each week while avoiding ATM cards and checks. If he didn’t have cash, he didn’t buy. She said it was a good idea. So I also asked, “how much will you need if you stick with a weekly spending allowance?”
On either end of the phone line we both figured it out. If she didn’t throw any wild parties or go on any major spending sprees, she would end the semester with money to spare. She would have cash for her immediate needs, a little weekend fun and all those wonderful meals the college provides.
“But what am I going to do about my tithe?”
“Pay it first. God will make your 90 percent of the money go further than if you keep all 100 percent. If you wait to give to God after your bills are paid, you never will give to Him. You will always have something else that has to be bought or paid.”
“Yeah, you’re right.”
She began listing her reserves: a huge stack of paper left over from other semesters that she could use this semester for taking notes and the simpler gifts she received for Christmas: Toothpaste, laundry detergent and quarters for the washer and dryer. Faced with having to provide her own basics, she really appreciated the plain, ordinary gifts given her last month.
“I closed out one of my credit cards last month that I had actually overpaid on. They sent me a check for $3.22 this month. I was so ecstatic. I got $3.22!”
Having been there myself at times, I knew what she was saying.
I waited for her to wind down before I said, “I am not going to send you any money. I know you won’t have a lot of money, but you can make it.”
“I know. I didn’t expect you to, but it is scary.”
“Yes it is, Now you understand why sometimes I have not been in the happiest of moods when things have been tight financially.”
We hung up and I immediately felt like the meanest mom in the world for refusing to send more money to my little girl, when she has none.
Then I told myself to get a grip, if she is old enough to be engaged, she is old enough to experience the harsh reality of personal finances. I don’t carry her all the way anymore. It is time to step back and let her carry herself.
Easy to say. No one said it would be easy to do.
(Joan Hershberger is a reporter at the News-Times.)