Alexis e-mails about children

Recent e-mails from my son’s wife, Alexis just beg to be shared, so I am passing them along to my readers:
Recently, the kids went to Chuck E. Cheese with their dad, Hex. He came home enlightened, “There are three types of parents at Chuck E. Cheese.”
“What are they?” I asked.
“The first is the parent who is a kid themselves. They play the games, ignore their kids and let them wander around.”
“I know what you are talking about.”
“The second is the parent who is not interested. They sit their big fat butts down at the table and let their kids play on their own. And the third is the one who actually plays with their kids.”
I had to ask, “Which one were you?”
He indignantly replied, “The one who played with his kids!”
Basil was right next to me and so I pulled him over, “Basil what kind of parent was daddy?”
“The kind that let’s his kids get lost!” he shouted with anger.
“What happened, Basil?”
“Well, I couldn’t find Daddy, and I kept calling for him.”
Anger swelling in me, I demanded, “Where were you Hex?”
“With one of the kids, I am sure!” he replied.
“Basil, tell me what happened next.” I turned to my teary boy aching with the terrible “what ifs,” my son was reliving his fears and my husband was in the doghouse.
“Well, Mom, I called and called for Daddy but he wouldn’t answer!”
“How long did it take you to find Daddy?!!” My anger had gathered enough steam to drive a train.
“Oh, I just turned around and he was right behind me” giggled the embarrassed boy.
“What!? Daddy was right behind you?”
“Mom, I called and called for him and he wouldn’t answer!”
“Hex, why didn’t you answer him?” I turned to him.
“I couldn’t hear him, it was just too noisy!”
••••
I was cutting Basil’s hair the other day. He did not want a hair cut.
As I talked about silly stuff to distract him, he interjected repeatedly, “Are you done yet? Can I get up now?”
I tried again, “Hey, Basil, if we were pioneers what do you think we would be doing right now?”
“Working in the fields,” replied the boy.
“Do you think that they would let the kids play?”
“No.”
“What do you think they call kids that don’t want to help?”
“Useless.”
“Well, Basil. If you were a pioneer kid, what would be you be doing?”
“NOT GETTING A HAIRCUT!” grunted the boy.
“Why?” I was a bit hurt.
“Because they didn’t have scissors then.”
We looked at each other very seriously for a second and then we both just busted at the seams with laughter.
••••
This fall Basil will be going to half day kindergarten and leaving his good buddy, Violet, at home with mamma. Alexis wrote that she had begun preparing Violet for their days alone. She promised Violet that while the others are at school, the two of them can go places together – especially on Fridays to an open market where they sell hot dogs to eat.
Violet was thrilled, “Mama, let’s keep this our secret.”
“Okay, Violet,” I said. “Don’t tell anyone.”
“Okay, Mama.”
“Violet, pretend I am Ginger. And Ginger is asking, ‘Violet, what is your secret?’ What do you say?”
“I can’t tell,” replied Violet.
“Violet, let’s pretend I am Basil now. And Basil is saying, ‘Violet, if you tell me your secret I will give you a Tootsie roll.’ What will you say?”
“Mama and I are going to the Green Dragon and getting hot dogs.”
Big brother always gets the secret … and the smile.