That thunk on the drive or the front step heard in the wee hours of the morning was the reality of the end of high school hitting the parents of graduates across the county – and our annual graduation section stuffed with pictures and stories of high school and college graduates and scholarship recipients. That thunk emphasizes the month of May with back-to-back graduations and the entrance of a new era.
And therein lies the rub. It’s time for parents to let go.
No more parent-teacher conferences. If you insist, college professors will sit down and talk with you about your child’s work in college, but they really expect your progeny to be an adult and not bring mom or dad to the discussion. Your high school graduate is old enough to vote, sign up with the military, drive a car, even take out a loan for their college expenses. They are old enough to sort out the plethora of details related to college.
No more invisible, perpetual housekeeping. Taking the former high schooler to college may end with Mom sentimentally tucking in the sheet on the college bed, but, surely as a good mom you insured your child’s preparation to leave home by teaching them basic domestic duties years ago. Long before your child turned 18, as a good parent, you held in-house demonstrations on how to make a bed, launder clothes, pick up and wash their own dishes and empty the trash bin.
No more academic nagging. You prepared them to achieve academic self-sufficiency by expecting them to do their homework without parental prompts; handed them an alarm clock years ago and abdicated the role of the morning nag who insured they arrived in class on time
A high school diploma acknowledges the completion of four years of studies in mathematics, the sciences, languages and the arts, but that is just part of any person’s preparation for independence and self-sufficiency. They also need to know how to handle a check book, avoid credit card debt and to live within their financial limitations.
Long before graduation, high schoolers need to take care of their daily routine without a mommy or daddy hovering nearby — not even via cell phone.
You let them learn the truth about Santa Claus, let them learn the truth about the magic hamper that cleans, folds and puts away clothes, the self-replenishing piggy bank and the presence of an all knowing homework helper.
It is scary to stand back, but a baby learns to walk by taking steps and falling down, a child learns to pedal a bike after Dad lets go and teenagers develop fantastic tricks with skateboards without a puppeteer. Letting go in a timely manner insures that by graduation, your child can go solo to talk with on-campus advisors and tackle college.
If you haven’t already done this, determine to use these last three months to take care of this last phase of parenting. Give you kid the gift of a life of their own. Step back and let them be adults.
Quit running interference. Young adults make a much, more favorable impression on prospective employers and professors without a parent hovering in the background.
Helicopter parents hinder maturity. Young adults will make mistakes. That’s okay. They will learn, and they will learn faster — if you don’t interfere.
It is difficult, but you both will survive. Let your progeny surprise you with their capabilities.
The graduation section today celebrates your student’s readiness for the next phase. Step away from that child, parents. Put your protective instincts down. Let them see that you know they are prepared to succeed in life without you propping them up every step along the way.
They will do it. And when they do, it will be graduation day all over again and you will be so proud.
(Joan Hershberger is a reporter at the News-Times. E-mail her at jaonh@everybody.org.)