Yes, I know that some children come into the world with a brain wired quite differently from others. Yes, I know that the pharmaceutical companies have developed any number of medications to address the more inconvenient characteristics of these children and provide much relief for their worn-out parents.
But, I also know that behavior modification and parental expectations play an important role in any child’s development and behavior and can even keep many kids off medications.
Decades ago, my neighbor and I each had a son within a year of each other. We visited frequently. My son entertained me with his energy and eagerness to explore his world. At six months I discovered him halfway up the stairway to the second-floor bedrooms. By the time he walked, I had moved my breakables out of his reach.
My neighbor’s son took a more traditional, calmer route for reaching out to his world. The tall, elegant glass vase she had received as a wedding gift never left its corner. Early in his toddlerhood she came to visit us one day and mentioned, “I took him in for a treatment for his hyperactivity,” she said.
Treatment for hyperactivity for this bit of a child? The diagnosis did not fit. Within months we each had another son and her actions said she had mistakenly assessed her first son’s typical, toddler behavior; when her second, more energetic son began crawling the vase disappeared.
Kids are noisy, they have short tempers, they yell, tear up stuff and make messes. They don’t sit still, they don’t accept everything. They act irrationally at times and they do stupid things. But that does not mean that they all need medication – not even for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder – not even if the teacher recommends it.
I write that from three experiences. The one year I taught school I worked beside another first year teacher – not yet a parent – who was continually astounded with his middle school students’ energy level and distractibility. He readily suggested Ritalin to most of his students’ parents – even after the school had a child rushed to the hospital with side effects from the drug.
A few years later, as a reporter I attended a seminar given by one of the state’s leading professionals working with ADHD-ADD students. After her lecture, she opened the program for questions and answers. One question and answer stays with me to this day.
“Where were all these children before medication? What happened to them?”
The woman who had researched the subject and spent her days working with the children kind of laughed and said, “We did not have TV. Children got outside and played hard. They had very structured lives, knew the rules and results and went to bed early.” Structure, predictable results for unacceptable behavior and ways to work off the energy.
Been there, seen that, worked with it. After researching hyperactivity, one of my children agrees with the teacher who asked if we had ever considered giving the child medication. Still not on medication, my now adult child – who completed college in four years – uses that energy to get a lot done and attributes it to growing up in a boring, structured home with chores and clear guidelines for behavior.
A few years ago, my husband and I practiced our boring rules when we took care of a couple of children for several weeks – some took medication. Early in their time with us, we spent time with other children and saw the difference emphasized during in the daily combing of much loved, but often messy, long hair. That simple task took forever with one child as wails of pain, misery and outright screams embarrassed one helpful adult after another. One day four people attempted to comb that head of hair, only to stop and step back in self defense at the child’s screams hinting of child abuse.
I decided enough already. For the remainder of their visit we instituted a behavior modification routine. Acceptable behavior: Being polite, helping out and especially practicing self-control and not whining or crying earned them buttons in a jar to trade for desired activities and objects. Unacceptable behavior resulted in the loss of buttons and a longer route to the desired goal. Once a button was earned or lost there was no discussion.
About the fourth or fifth day as I combed that head of hair, the child looked up at me in total surprise, “I’m not crying!”
“Good for you. That’s because you are growing up.”
All the medication in the world could not have fixed that issue.
Helping children learn to live within themselves and to practice self control goes a long ways toward establishing a peaceful home and saving money on medication. Plus, it shows kids they do not have to reach for a pill every time they hit life’s big and little bumps, they can learn to stand still and get their hair combed.
(Joan Hershberger is a reporter at the News-Times. E-mail her at joanh@everybody.org.)