Yeah, yeah, the kids hated it, but I loved my rule when we had perfectly healthy, minor children around the house: “First you work, then you play makes my life easier any day.”
I’d like to say I initiated the rule, but in all reality I lived under the same mandate as a child.
First, I had to do my work, then I could go play. I never thought too much about it until my sixth-grade teacher gave us an assignment to write a friendly letter. I wrote one to my cousin. The letter included the sentence, “After we finish doing the dishes, we can go out and play in the woods” or something like that.
The teacher read it out loud to the class as a good example.
Like I had any other option.
Our parents expected the work to be done, the play time (this was long before play dates existed) could be fitted in after we washed the dishes, swept the floor, cleaned our rooms, made beds, fixed meals, helped dad with farm chores, including working in the hay fields in the heat of summer or whatever other job my parents dictated needed to be done that day.
Having learned this rule from early childhood on, I assumed every child automatically jumped up and did what needed to be done without being told. Then I married a man with a couple of able-bodied children and discovered the reality of all children.
Children (and teenagers) like to dawdle and play. They like to avoid doing work or do it at their own speed and in their own time. Children assume vacations are a great time to sleep in, play outside and hang out with friends.
Sounds good on paper, but since I am a morning person, my sleep-in time ends around 7 a.m. Therefore the kids’ sleep-in time lasted until 7:15 a.m. As my dad said, “you can stay up as late as you want, but you will be here helping with the work early in the morning.”
So I yanked my children out of bed early, even during vacation. I wanted to get my chores done so I could do what I wanted to do.
That and long, long ago, I looked at our family of many children and declared myelf free from slavery. I say this because mothers, inevitably, have to be near-slaves to newborn babies and toddlers. Then it’s time to press for interdependence.
My old rule came roiling out of me a couple of years ago after we opened our home to several immature people for an extended stay.
I had to work during their stay, but I also had to go home from work and the last thing I wanted to see when I walked in the door was a chaotic house.
I talked it over with my husband. Pointing out that children behave much better when they have definite activities and responsibilities to complete before they can get the privilege of doing what they want, I suggested he come up with ideas of tasks to keep them busy.
I told him – and the expected guests – I would not be acting as the genie of the magic hamper – going around and gathering up dirty clothes and washing them late into the night after everyone else has gone to bed.
I would not be performing feats of magic with food and presenting wonderful meals 20 minutes after I walk in the door after a day of work.
I would not be coughing up a bankroll of cash to pay for their entertainment.
Yes, I would find ways to entertain – ways that began with a list called “helping around the house.”
We decided that they could help power wash the house, clean up yard debris, take care of the dishes, do their own laundry, prepare meals and work on memorizing verses before they earned permission to do what they wanted to do.
And yes, once the work was done, we did play games, watched videos, read books, explored the neighborhood, went shopping or just hung out and visited … just like I did when I was a kid in a large family.
Turned out to be a rather pleasant visit and I actually looked forward to a return visit.
(Joan Hershberger is a reporter at the News-Times. Email her at joanh@everybody.org.)