It takes a slap upside the head for some folks to change. For Shawn Kidwell, it took a bullet. By the time the bullet missed entering his skull, Kidwell had already been arrested at 22, had a DWI charge and crushed his leg in a motorcycle wreck. After 30 surgeries, with an increasing resistance to anesthesia he agreed to amputation and a prosthetic. Perpetual pain led him to dependency on pain killers.
Having to be shocked back to life did not catch his attention. Nor did the complete paralysis of Guillain-Barre Syndrome. For Shawn Kidwell, the slap upside the head came with his arrest for the violence that preceded the bullet.
He says he deserved it. At the time he was out of control with rage and holding his (now former) wife’s neck in a death grip and unable to hear others screaming, “Stop!”
Kidwell’s path to that day began when he chose pot, pills, alcohol, dropping out of school and going to work. By his third decade he had a good job and described his life as, “I had it all, the car, the boat, the house, the wife and family.”
Then he had the motorcycle wreck and all that pain.
“Pain killers cause you to be somebody you are not,” he said. Unable to work, in constant pain and depressed, Kidwell constantly reached for alcohol and prescription narcotics.
“I let substance abuse and anger take control. It took me almost to the point of death several times,” he said.
Even his arrest, he said “did not sink in until days later when I was locked up. I realized I had lost everything. I made up my mind, I would never go back.” He faced his legal options and applied for Drug Court which involves a lot of work, meetings and a mandatory completion of school.
Drug Court required classes in parenting, anger management and ACTS where he dealt with his substance abuse. He finally earned his GED and also studied over120 hours to earn WAGE certificates.
“They try to put you on the right path for everything with self improvement of every kind: Emotional, financial, work habits, even the way you dress. They try to re-program you out of that addict mentality. I wasn’t aware of how many people are out there to help strangers.”
Kidwell says God intervened in his life and gave it a purpose through the accountability mandated by the Drug Court Staff. He even, eventually, took their advice and began exercising 30 minutes a day. “It really does help ease the pain and depression,” he said.
Until he pays all fines, Kidwell continues to be supervised by the Drug Court. “If I could work all day, I would have it paid off,” he said. His bad ankle can not tolerate standing on concrete more than four hours. So Kidwell continues to address his issues, reports to his supervising officer and “works on reprogramming his brain.”
“The main thing is to reprogram your brain. Drugs, alcohol and using have been your coping mechanism for 20 years,” he said.
Being arrested forced Kidwell to realize, “I could either get busy living or busy dying. When I was incarcerated. I made up mind, things would be different.” He knows that if he fails at Drug Court, his only option is prison.
While he works to pay his fines, Kidwell is looking at college and a business degree in internet marketing. His disability counselor helps him find and apply for tuition grants.
Having finally felt the slap, Kidwell plans to follow a different path for his next 38 years.