I would never bribe my children to behave, but I have at times figured out what each wanted that I had and the rate of exchange to get them to do what I want them to do in return. That is not bribery, that is just good business.
Take the three week trip we made with our then early elementary to high school aged children. My husband came home in a generous mood ready to give them each a wad of money to spend on souvenirs for the trip. He started to hand it over to them, but I snatched his generosity away from him and twisted it to my own purposes.
My plans and purposes were simple: peace and quiet on the road. I hate having “are we there yet?” whined in my ear, or “he’s bugging me” screamed from the one tortured by the one bored enough to do it. I also weary of children whimpering “it’s not fair.” A few hours in confined quarters with a passel of kids and I don’t care about fair, I want quiet.
So with my husband’s money and the kids’ allowance in hand, I quickly called a family conference, laid out the amount of money their father wanted to give them to spend on souvenirs on the trip, and set down the law.
“Now here’s the deal, you each will get your share of the money. It is already yours, but I will be holding the money and only giving you each a part of your share each day. You can spend it, save it, throw it away, buy whatever you want, but you forfeit part of your share if you fight, whine, scream and holler.”
I proceeded to outline how I would divide their days of travel into time segments.
The high school aged kids looked up from their books, glanced at the money, yawned about my proposition and went back to their reading. We packed up and crawled into the car.
I looked at our screamer, the one who tortured us with long wails about the misery of being in the car. I took out a couple cups, put them in the cup holders, put all the screamer’s money in nickels and dimes into one cup looked that child straight in the eye and said, “it’s all yours, but if you scream, holler or fuss in any 15 minute period, I get the coins for that time.”
We fastened our safety belts and headed down the road during the hottest part of summer.
The first day, I had the screamer sit in the middle seat of our mini-van. Anytime the screams or whines threatened the peace, without a word, I picked up a dime or two and moved it across to “mom’s cup.” Protests, promises and petulance followed, but the money stayed put. After a couple more losses, cooperation and amicability became the rule. I moved the time checks to every hour and finally every day.
The kids read books, colored and cut or played road games. My daughter and I did make-overs in the back of the car a couple days and discussed many things. I made them memorize a Psalm or two on the long stretches of Interstate.
One of our fun stops came after several days of travel – when their pockets overflowed with cash. Tables of summer clearance items begged for their attention. They loaded up on discounted baseball figures, baseball cards and books. My daughter found paper dolls which she carefully punched out and clothed for a couple days before we lost it at a hotel room. The boys collected a basket full of computer magazines and comic books.
My husband bought souvenirs. I bought silence and sweet spirits – and it was worth every penny of the money I did not pay them as a bribe to get them to do what I wanted.
Hush money, bribe or incentive?
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