Know when to accept the offer

The second grader plopped down in his Sunday School chair, looked around the room and confidently declared, “I know just about everything there is to know.” He exuded a confidence that he could do anything he wanted because he knew it all. I bit back a smile and looked at my co-teacher whose eyes also twinkled. We would let him have his moment; soon enough he would realize he could not know it all or do it all. We all want to see our little ones learn to “do it all by myself.” We rejoice when they do. Yet, even the most determined child or adult at times needs help. In Galatians 6 it says both, ”Bear one another’s burdens” and “Let each man bear his own burden.” When do we help others bear their burden and when do we allow them to bear their own burden? Consider the difference between moving a sleeper couch down the street and carrying a footstool across the room. Hubby did not try to move said couch all by himself. He rigged up rollers to move a couch up a ramp from our living room and into our van. We worked hard getting that couch into the van to take to a friend’s apartment. Once there he began pulling out the ramp and its rollers. Two young men looked at the couch and the door open to the apartment. They walked over, picked up the couch and carried it into the living room as if it were a footstool. It took less than a minute. We could have done it, but it was so much easier when they took over. The following Facebook post reminded me of that day: “A friend changed how I feel about asking for or receiving help. For five years I was the sole caregiver for my husband and my mother when both had cancer. At the same time I was raising two grandsons, and running a small business. I could not make myself ask for help. “For five years, I felt guilty. If I was helping my mother, I felt guilty for not being at home helping my husband. If I was at home, I felt guilty for not being with my mother helping her. If I took the boys to do something fun, I felt guilty. It was impossible for me to do everything, but I was willing to kill myself trying. “I got home one day, and my neighbor was cleaning my house, doing our laundry and cooking a couple meals for us. Her husband was mowing and doing yard work. When I asked her why, she said, ‘You were stealing my blessings. I feel blessed when I can help others. By not accepting my help, you were denying me blessings.’”The post concluded, “It still makes me cry when I think about this. It was a hard lesson to learn, but I will carry that lesson with me forever.” Hubby and I needed help after three surgeries to fix my complex tibia break. I could not move easily. I needed him nearby even during our stay at my daughter’s house. When I spent a week in rehab he helped her set up a sturdy wooden swing set. By the time we reached home a month later, he emptied the car then slumped down on the couch too exhausted to think about supper in a house with an empty refrigerator. At that moment the doorbell rang. A reader had followed my hospital adventure and spontaneously brought us soup for more than one meal. We welcomed that help along with meals others provided. We could have proudly declared, “We know how to do just about everything on our own,” but thank heavens we didn’t. When the load got heavy we welcomed the unexpected help and now pass it forward.