Thanksgiving 11-23-25

Thanksgiving reminds us to consider our blessings past and present. This year I look back and recall a time, early in our marriage, when something bad happened. We dealt with the consequences and settled back into our routines at school, church and home.While my routines continued, depression crept over me. My usual enthusiasm and energy drained away with a growing sense of guilt that I could have or should have done something differently. Guilt consumed me. I could not forgive myself for my failure that day As always, I fixed meals, put food on the table, washed clothes and put the children to bed on time. I did what I needed to do, I just did not sleep through the night. I woke up ruminating about that incident, its consequences and considered it all my fault. Without enough sleep and the drain of despair, I dragged through the days.One night as I lay on the bed, fighting tears of regret, blaming myself for everything that ever went wrong, Hubby woke up enough to wearily ask, “What’s wrong? Why are you up?”There in the middle of the night, I spilled out the endless cycle of self-incrimination. It was all my fault, Hubby tried to console me. But I did not accept his banal comments. Sensing his inability to present me with a quick solution to my misery, he said, “Let’s pray about it.” I did not let him pray first. I plunged into prayer. Praying out loud, I spilled out everything I felt, everything that happened, every detail of how much I felt unworthy and to blame. While I prayed, he went back to sleep. As I confessed everything to the Heavenly Father, He forgave. I had not thought I deserved forgiveness. I could not forgive myself. Surely God could not, would not, forgive me, but He had. If God, the Creator of the universe could forgive me, I could, I should, accept His forgiveness and also forgive myself. It took a while, but such a relief in the end. I laid down and had the first restful sleep in a long time. The next day I looked around the house and saw the dust bunnies collecting in forgotten corners. I pulled out the cookbook and began preparing meals with a finesse that had been lacking for many weeks. I no longer dragged around that invisible weight of guilt. About three days later, Hubby looked at me and said, “What happened to you?” He could see the difference in my demeanor and my interactions and the house. “Well, you remember, that night you woke up when I was so sad? You told me to pray” “No.” I described the middle of the night conversation and prayer meeting. He did not recall any of it. But I did, and I do. “Well that’s what happened,” I said. The depression had crept over me so slowly he had not noticed. The healing, however, had come so completely that he did notice. It happened because God woke him up that night, gave him the words I needed to hear and then let him go back to sleep while God and I talked. So, this Thanksgiving I am thankful for my God who woke up a tired husband with the words I needed to hear. I am thankful for a husband who seeks God when problems arise. I thank God for good advice in the middle of the night from a husband willing to be used even if he does not remember it the next day. I am also thankful that God hears our confession of sin and faithfully forgives things we consider the most unforgivable and cleanses us from all unrighteousness. Such a blessing to recall this Thanksgiving.