The Time Has Come 8-30-26

Last week we called a loved one many states away to ask a quick question. As usual no answer, but we expected a quick call back. It came from an ER nurse who had lots of questions. She explained an ambulance brought them in with a head injury from a fall. With no family accompanying them, she had many questions. “Are they in a nursing home? Married? Health problems?”“Well, they live alone in their own home,” we explained then promised, “We will make some calls to connect with someone closer.”The next few days of conversation showed us again that living alone fosters independence until a crisis hits, and then it can be downright dangerous.We have encountered this several times through the years with friends and family as they entered retirement years. Protecting the individual living alone can be done.One solution can be checking in with folks everyday. I read once that the Japanese attach a monitoring device to the hot water dispenser in the home of an elderly loved one. They use it throughout the day for tea and soup. When the parent filled a cup for their morning tea, a message popped up on the adult child’s email, “Tea at 8 a.m.”Seeing the message the recipient said, “Mom is up and having tea.” With closed circuit TV, families can install Grammy-cams in each room. Grammy retains a sense of independent living while the family knows if they need help. So many options for elder safety. My son enjoyed a nearly rent-free room while he studied for his master’s degree. He lived with an octogenarian who just needed someone in the house. Many days she asked him to drive her out to eat supper with her. She paid. He heard many stories about life back in the day. The reality of being a widower hit my father several months after my mother passed. Taking a break from exploring the country, he went into a restaurant for breakfast. The staff realized he needed help. The ambulance came. Initially the medics thought of drugs or alcohol. Wrong. He was having a stroke. Hours away from anyone who knew him, it took a while for strangers to find contacts and sort out his medical history. Dad loved his independence, but that day he began losing it. Over time for him, we realized he was not safe to live alone anymore. Another friend realized this recently. After every medical incident, after every fall, they resisted suggestions to close their home and move in with family or go to residential care. Each time the recuperative stay with family stretched a bit longer until the family yielded to the persistent “I want to go home!” and said, “Okay we will take you home.” The last time they fell while living alone, no one knew how long they had been on the floor or how it happened. It scared our elderly friend into agreeing to sell and live with family. Giving up independent living is not the first choice. Yet often it becomes the only choice. For my dad it meant first staying with various relatives, assisted living and finally nursing home care. For our loved one this week it all begins with admitting living alone is no longer safe followed by assessing: Do I need to have someone else living with me? Do I need residential care? It helps to ask that question before the dangerous fall, the unexpected illness or heart issue with no one around to intervene. Last week, it was our long distance relative’s turn to address that hard question for their own safety and to calm our concerns.